you're so beautiful ;

So the Doctor didn't do anything at all! Sent me home with the exact same perscription. Bullshit! Alex is still treating me like dirt while pretending he isn't fucking around behind my back. So that is also bullshit. I did go visit James, Ashley, and the kids this weekend though and that was nice. I also visited with Tyler and Shannon, who is difficult as ever. Oh, and at James' we had a small get together with the Mexicans. That wasn't too bad, we had chili and exchanged gifts and cooed over the baby. James took me driving on the highway, and so did Dad, so that was good too! Marcel is coming back to NB, and god damn my luck but he won't leave me alone. He keeps going on about that night. I just want to forget it. Apparently, guys from jail don't know that no means no. Should have guessed that though.. Oh well, I've got Allie and Evan working on it with me so hopefully that will be solved. I guess that's about all that's new! I'm on XMas break by the way, and working today through Thursday, with XMas falling on Friday this year. More soon, promise!

you've said things you can't undo ;

So here's the deal. Medication has been useless the last four months. Apparently my body will not accept it any longer so I have to see the Doctor Monday. I've got an appointment for my next three tattoo's, all the week after XMas. I got my nose pierced. Work is fine. Boys are whores. I'm a slut. Marijiuana and alcohol are all I can depend on. It's over. I need them to fix this before it's too late. I feel like this is it, this is the moment, and that's scary as hell. Thanks for leaving me like this, I always knew I was too much for you to handle. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. I cared far too much and you cared far too little. You couldn't and wouldn't be willing to make the changes and committment I would for you. This is for the best. Words are not for the weak, and honesty is not for the faint hearted. I have known you to be neither of these things. I'm rambling. I need to light another blunt. Peace.