there is no need to shout ;

Well it's Sunday night, the semi-horrible weekend is over. I had a run in with Michelle (as expected) in which I was once again deemed the troublesom, spoiled brat, cold, and uncaring child. This is not new news in that household since I left; I've been permenately branded, it seems. Anyhow, we started going at it in the kitchen with her hurling words like stones against my skin and I, of course, started bawling. She's the only human being on earth that can reduce me to tears with words. Obviously, she's not of this planet. So there I am, crying against the fridge while she just stares in disgust. Finally, I threw up the white flag. I apologized for all the things she said I was doing and lied once again, telling her I wanted to be friends (over my cold dead body). She started crying too and hugged me. Needless to say, this only made me cry harder.

Aside from that, my weekend was very good. I went to the movies, saw a couple friends, and spent my free time with Fabio, which is always a pleasure. Though he's four years older than me, the age difference isn't a problem on every level I've seen so far. Aside from my blubbering and bi-polar side, which I'm sure freaks him out, things are good between us. Though I have to admit that even though he told me I should call as soon as I get the urge to cut or just feel down like that, I can't bring myself to do it. It's a hard thing to deal with and, quite frankly, I'm scared he won't be able to. That was a major issue with Justin, being from a good background as he is. It wasn't an issue at all with William because we came from similiar households; financial issues, step parents, tempers, siblings, etc. I'm not sure how Fabio will feel once he gets used to me having those off days. I'm afraid to tell him when I am because I don't want to scare the poor boy off! Oh well, I guess sooner or later he'll have to see it though, right?

Speaking of dealing with my melt downs, let's flash back to Friday for a second. Fabio called repeatedly while I was sitting on the wooden bench in the backyard trying to read so I could distract myself. I knew I couldn't answer or I would just let loose the flood of tears I was just barely holding under control. I wanted to talk to him but I knew I couldn't over the phone. So, twenty minutes and about ten phone calls later, he shows up at my door. I can't describe how much that meant to me. Usually I just shut down when I feel like it and I'm totally ignored because everyone assumes I'm just angry or something. I get left alone to stew. He's the first person to show the concern and take the time out of his day to come make sure I was okay. Well that just brought on a whole new wave of tears! It felt great :) . We sat in his car in the school parking lot, barely speaking but getting all the comfort I needed and more. I didn't need to say anything. I just lay there with my head on his chest and my eyes closed and he calmed me down within minutes. Must be a magic touch, because no one else can ever do that. I was pretty amazed. I felt fantastic and well loved. It's such a good feeling for a change.

Well, I spent last night sleeping in Fabio's car and didn't manage to get much sleep (the poor boy sleep talks and got up to have a conversation with me at 330am) so I'm pretty much wiped. Hm.. it's only 9:40pm. Kind of sad, hehe. So good night and I'll post an update soon as I get a little R+R. Sweet dreams!