Oh yes, Fabio and I drove on down to Hali and saw my mom and Natalee last weekend. It was good aside from one minor fight between the couple which set my temper off. Hard to explain, I'm torn between so many emotions and my mom I couldn't tell Fabio why I was mad. It's one of those fragile things that still haunts me and I just can't seem to explain it. He was vexed but there wasn't anyway I could really tell him. Aside from that, I haven't been up to a whole lot. I did get a job though!
Coles Bookstore is now my new employer. I'm not exactly thrilled with having a job again but you have to do what you have to do, right? That's what they tell me anyway. Yesterday was my first day and it wasn't exactly what I expected. I stocked shelves all night with my two co-workers, Allie and Dwayne. They're pretty funny so it was at least an amusing three hours. I got nervous when people started coming up to me and asking questions but, thankfully, I was able to answer most of them.
I guess that's about it in news. Mood wise, I'm rather stable except for the few days I'll forget my pills, but I do try hard to remember. It's just such a hassle everyday and honestly it makes me feel kinda bad. Like I'm abnormal (which I already knew I was but not in this way, anyway). Not the greatest feeling. The score on my depression inventory is down though, from like a twenty nine to a seventeen i think, so it's a nice little jump for me. Means the forty is better than the twenty, by a whole freaking lot, but I think I might need a sixty. I'll have to ask the doctor about that. Not to mention about the bc pills. I would really rather get the four times yearly injection than take those damn pills, what a pain! Anyway, that's it for tonight, gotta get some sleep for work tomorrow. But before I go, here's a few little written pieces (just a note, I actually cried writing that last one.):
A CINQUAIN
"Lover,
Protection and Warmth.
Love, Feel, Smile.
Affection, Safety, Independence, Support.
Home."
A COUPLET
"Lose me not below the swells or on the stormy seas,
Lose me not on high tide or at the sirens tease.
I'm just a boy and I have not breathed for salty air,
Mother will be waiting and be late I shall not dare.
Save me please my weathered friends before I lose my strength,
I cannot swim this ocean for it's mighty length.
To Fiddler's Green my sodden soul will travel,
I can feel my short life beginning to unravel.
Away bright morning you bring no good news,
Mother learns of the son she had to lose.
Never more to rise again,
Lost to Fiddler's Green."
ELEGY
"I see tear filled oceans on muddy lands,
I see your sunken cheeks and your listless eyes that can cry no more,
You are robbed and beaten and defiled.
Your passing is only one of thousands a day,
Your body is dragged through mud then burned.
I often wonder who was with you when you could stand no more,
Were you alone in life and death or were you loved and finally freed?
Were you alone in life and death or were you loved and finally freed?
Who grieved for you and cried and felt a piece of themselves die too?
I can see you in the filth of the streets,
Face down and passed by.
Your rags hang from your bony frame by what looks like threads.
Dirt is caked to your shaved scalp and vermin gnaw at your flesh.
Your fingernails are dark with blood and your hands are bruised and broken.
Your feet lay splayed open,
Swelled and black from work or snow.
I look away;
I cannot fathom this horror.
Yet I must turn back and stare and cry and wonder.
You could not have been much older than I.
A black and white photo of your naked body before the trains stares at me.
You seem to be baring your soul from within your eyes.
You do not understand.
I cannot understand.
Were we so different that you deserved to die?
Am I so different that I must continue living without you?
Perhaps we were the same person.
Did you read, did you love, did you sing?
I read, I love, I sing.
I do not know your name,
But I grieve for you,
I mourn the loss of your precious life.
You and I may have been the best of friends,
We may have been sisters.
We could have shared our love and laughter,
Our hopes and dreams.
I miss you unknown sister,
I remember you,
I love you."
No comments:
Post a Comment