yes i am the best, no i aint positive, im definite ;

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering month number four of being Prozac free! Still happy as a motherfucker too! I can't believe this.. I don't know what the hell it was, but I snapped right out of the depression. I'm living life like mad lately, I've made all these crazy plans!! I decided not to do school next year, I'm going to move overseas!! Can you believe that?! I'm so totally excited I cannot even convey it online, but trust me, this is HUGE! I'm thinking it's going to be London at first, possibly Scotland. First of all though, let's go through the last few weeks so you can be up to speed, shall we?

I've been hangin' with the Musquash folk more lately, and that's been a blast! I met Lucas and we kind of hit it off but then he cooled off so we're just doin' the friend thing right now. I still talk to Dan all the time and we've pretty good buds. I became better friends with Tim too. So everything of that front it awesome! Weekend of the fifth of March we're all going up there, including Michelle (now dating Ben) and Amanda (still dating Glen), for that whole weekend over nights and what not. Going to be crazy fun!! I can't wait for it.

Secondly, I've got my prom date, Alex (surprise, right?) and we've been talking about my dress but I have yet to find one. Expect a picture when I do though.

Guess where I'm going in April. NEW YORK! I can't wait for that! Broadway show booked, Staton Island, Ground zero, all kinds of interesting things! Plus, Chinatown, which is pretty much knock off central. This is only costing me $800 not counting my meals and shopping expenses. That's gonna be a blast. Now, about my after high school plans..

So, I have one of three options:

ONE - Move to Calgary and room with Marcel (25) for practically nothing.
TWO - Stay in SJ and find a roommate (difficult for me) and get a new, full time job. Coles is pretty much love, but, it doesn't pay the bills.
THREE - On my trip overseas in August, stay over there.

The latter is my personal preference. I've been checking out costs of living and job opportunities, other expenses, schools, etc. This, my friends, is lookin' good.

On a slightly more depressing note, Nan is in the hospital at the moment.. She tripped out in the front hall two Wednesday's ago and was laying out there for an HOUR by herself! In just her bathrobe and nightie, none the less. She shattered the bone in her leg that attaches it to her hip and they didn't think she'd live through the surgery. Once again, the tough old broad surprised everyone and pulled through with FLYING COLORS! We couldn't believe how blessed we were! She's doing very well now, receiving therapy for walking and leg movement. She's a prickly patient, but she's tended to endlessly. She could even be home as early as next week! I can't wait, the house seems to empty without her. I love my Nan. :)

So, that's all dears. I wish you and yours the best, and until next time, mes chers!

the only thing that's left between us ;

Evening Blog! So, I'm sitting at Michelle's with two drunkards right now. I figured I should leave a small update with you considering I'll be quite busy the next week or so. Exam week has been BULLSHIT! Monday's exam was cancelled so schedule was pushed back. Same deal today. That means no Halifax because I have an exam Monday, which was a day I supposed to be in Halifax. So that's poop swag. Here's tonight up until Monday for you, anyway:

Friday: Gallery opening with Wayne! It was a blast, wine, finger foods, and art. Doesn't get much better! It was pretty hilarious too considering we were by far the youngest couple there. I almost spit out my wine from laughing so hard. After that we went over to Mexicala Rosa's and had some dinner about eight o'clock. Then I came over to Michelle's house with her and Amanda. They're drinking but I haven't decided if I shall tonight or not.

Saturday: Up to the camp! Really excited :)! It's undecided when'how long we're staying, but we're determined for Michelle to fight her way up there, haha, so hopefully HOPEFULLY we can go.

Sunday: One day of relaxation, major hangover, and major studying.

Monday: Biology exam (fml).

So that's that. Pretty long week, but not neccessarly bad, either. There's your update, night night :) .

it's been the time of my life ;

Good morning Blog! Last night was so much fun I had to post about it today! So here goes:

Last night around seven Michelle and I went out for a drive. We got in touch with Driscoll and Nolan and were going to pick them up but then Amanda gave us a ring. She was out at Glen's camp drinking and invited us to take a spin out there. So we drove out to Musquash! We parked at the dam and Paul, Dan, Tim, Tom, Glen, and Amanda drove out on the ATC, ATV, and snowmobiles to get us. I rode on the back with Tim, Tom and Michelle went together, Paul and Dan, and Glen and Amanda. It was about a twenty minute spin across the frozen lake to get to the camp.

The lake was beautiful. It was frozen solid and the air was crisp as January allows. Everything was dark and the shadows danced in the moon beams shining down on us. All you could hear were the coyotes, the engines running, and our shrieking laughter. Everything seemed perfect and right in those few moments when it didn't matter who was stranger to who, we were all kids having fun together in the snow. It was beautiful.

After the too-short ride to the camp, we all went in. The cabin was great, really rustic and everything. Complete with outhouse! Haha! Anyway, so we all sat down and cracked open the beer, rum, and vodka. We were all drinking except Michelle because she had to drive us home later. So anyway, we drank and talked and got to know each other a little better. Dan was really nice, I taught him how to dance while the others went out to pick us Ethan. He also let us shoot off his rifle out back! I haven't fired and gun since the C7 out on the ranges a couple years ago, so it felt good to have it back in my hand. Dan promised to take me hunting soon too so I left my number with him. So after a couple hours it was eleven and Michelle and Amanda had to be home so we grabbed up our shit and left. Glen and Amanda took the ATV, Tom and Michelle took the snowmobile, and Dan took me on the ATC, which I've never ridden before. It was really fun. It took us a little longer to get back because I was scared and made Dan drive slow, but it was pretty good all the same. We even had a race with Tim! He won, of course, being on the faster sled, hehe.

So that was that! I just had to write about it, it was so much fun! We're all making plans too for the next time Glen's free for us all to go over there again and stay the weekend! Get back at you soon, promise! XOX

i was a bitch playin' hard to get ;

Once again I've been a shitty poster. Yes, well, an awful lot has happened! Let's see.. let's start with Christmas. It was fairly boring, Brenda was sick so that kind of sucked, but I got a lot of nice sweaters to wear. New Years Eve was spent at Allies. I slept with her roommate Del, big mistake. Then I was dating the other one, Paul, also a mistake. Del fucked and chucked me, Paul was nice, we didn't sleep together mind you, but I just think of him in more of a big brother way and I didn't want to lead him on. So that was that. Alex and I are still on and discussing dating at the moment, and I'm very happy about that. I know I complain about him a lot but it's like.. half the time while I'm wanting to smack him, I'm wanting to kiss him at the same time. Weird, no?

In other news, I have gotten one out of five of my lovely tattoos. It's right on my chest, and I love it! One down, four to go!

School news: Exams are in two weeks!! I'm definitely starting to feel the crunch! I think all of them will go well though, except math, but I'm doing the best I can in that respect.

Drug news: Never again shall I get fucked with Kate. She talked me into doing syrup with her yesterday. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! I don't even remember more than pieces of the day. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. My vision went out on me and I could just barely see, she dropped me off outside of school at 330 and I stumbled around. Then I collapsed and puked absolutely everywhere, including all over my work clothes. I remember ending up in the school bathroom with Becca Griffin with me. Then I must have gotten to work some how where I woke up on the bathroom floor, blood and puke and shit all over the room. So I cleaned everything up as best as I could under the blindness, sweat, and puking, and they sent me home. I layed in bed and didn't stop throwing up until after eight! Then the girls dragged me out of bed because Jake wanted to see me. After that I went home and passed right out. I smoked some weed with Jake and popped Tums like there was no tomorrow and that helped for the time I was out. But I'm telling you- NEVER again!!!! Only weed from now on man, the rest of that stuff is shit!

So that's my lovely life at the glance for the past two months. Want to punch me out yet? I'm waaay ahead of you buddy.

you're so beautiful ;

So the Doctor didn't do anything at all! Sent me home with the exact same perscription. Bullshit! Alex is still treating me like dirt while pretending he isn't fucking around behind my back. So that is also bullshit. I did go visit James, Ashley, and the kids this weekend though and that was nice. I also visited with Tyler and Shannon, who is difficult as ever. Oh, and at James' we had a small get together with the Mexicans. That wasn't too bad, we had chili and exchanged gifts and cooed over the baby. James took me driving on the highway, and so did Dad, so that was good too! Marcel is coming back to NB, and god damn my luck but he won't leave me alone. He keeps going on about that night. I just want to forget it. Apparently, guys from jail don't know that no means no. Should have guessed that though.. Oh well, I've got Allie and Evan working on it with me so hopefully that will be solved. I guess that's about all that's new! I'm on XMas break by the way, and working today through Thursday, with XMas falling on Friday this year. More soon, promise!

you've said things you can't undo ;

So here's the deal. Medication has been useless the last four months. Apparently my body will not accept it any longer so I have to see the Doctor Monday. I've got an appointment for my next three tattoo's, all the week after XMas. I got my nose pierced. Work is fine. Boys are whores. I'm a slut. Marijiuana and alcohol are all I can depend on. It's over. I need them to fix this before it's too late. I feel like this is it, this is the moment, and that's scary as hell. Thanks for leaving me like this, I always knew I was too much for you to handle. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. I cared far too much and you cared far too little. You couldn't and wouldn't be willing to make the changes and committment I would for you. This is for the best. Words are not for the weak, and honesty is not for the faint hearted. I have known you to be neither of these things. I'm rambling. I need to light another blunt. Peace.

who will drive my soul ;

Good evening Blog. I'm doing fair this day, thought extremely exhausted. At present I'm decorating the house for Christmas with Brenda. I just wanted to do a quick post to get caught up. So here we go in point form so I can get back to work!

- Work this weekend.
- Out with Wayne Saturday, Allie's that night.
- Seeing Alex.
- Much school work.
- Cabaret with Wayne for my date.
- Work six days a week, school five days a week, with one day off from work a week that happens to fall on a school day (shoot me).

XOX