Never ever question my abandonment senses. Once again they were spot on. Fabio and I are done. He changed his posting to Quebec. Honestly, I think he got sick of me and didn't know how to put it. I just wish I knew he wasn't as serious about me as I was about him. I hate men. They're all liars and no good. Don't tell youre different; none of you are different. You all want the same thing; sex. After that, why the fuck bother, right? Obviously. Putting trust and love and faith into a relationship isn't worth it. I'm better off going back to the way I was; cutting and dating abusive men. I don't deserve any better and at least when I'm being beaten senseless I feel like I'm getting some attention, negative or not. I think that's a good plan, that's what I should go back to. Then youre getting screwed right to your face, not behind your back.
Kyle helped me a lot tonight. He took me out to the football game and just calmed me down and held me while I cried. I feel okay. Mall tomorrow, fuck school. Why bother now. What am I working toward but more failure. The End.
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