pray i don't face you ;

Howdy. Figured I'd best update again before the month is out. I actually just brought the mail in and got my application package for the distance education college I'm looking at but I wanted to update first so I can devote my full attention to it afterward. So, let's see, what news have I got?

Michelle and I are no longer friends. We had a big blow out wherein I told her I think she's a slut and I haven't held any affection for her in quite some time. She said the same to me and it was a huge shit show. I only wish I'd remembered she's got my digital camera before I said all this. Sigh. I don't think I'll ever see it again, she hasn't been responding to my demands to get it back. Ah well, we'll see where that goes.

Kori and I are doing well so far. It's more than obvious the boy cares for me more than I do for him at the moment, but I certainly do care for him a lot. We're getting along very well though, and I'm very happy with it. I'm cautiously optimistic, not putting all my ducks in one pond as it were. We shall see.. but I've got a good feeling about this one. He's not some weak minded, egotistical man. He's himself, with everyone. Not putting up a facade. He deserves a little love though, things haven't been easy for him.. I'm more than happy to be there for him!

Nan's doing well, about the same as last time I updated. Kathy's grampie is in the hospital though, they say he won't make it past the weekend at the latest. Rob's a mess, so's Michael.. it's heartwrenching. Michael was my best friend growing up, my closest confident. He never cried, now it's all he does.. poor boy..

I put in my resume on base in Gage. HOpefully I hear back fairly soon, I'm checking out apartments as well. Back to the beginning I go! Random, yes. Because of Kori? .. Not totally.. Just a perk, hehe. I miss it there though.. the small town feel, the friends, the tight community. I'd like to go back ASAP! Can't wait for school to be done.

That's about it I suppose. Oh, it's my birthday Saturday though. I was going to have a party but.. I think I'd rather just get a hotel in Shediac and spend it alone on the beach with Kori :) . I'll let you know how it all turns out soon, promise!! Peace.

so what the hell do we do now ;

Jesus Christ, I'm awful. I haven't posted in a month! Apologies, as there is a lot I've got to fill into this time lapse. I'll try to put things in order to paint a clearer picture of what's going on.

I had my NYC trip the first week of April and it was incredible! We saw all kinds of interesting people and places, probably the best trip I've ever taken. I hope to go back some day, there wasn't nearly enough time to see all the things we wanted to see. The best part of the trip was eating greasy take out pizza smack dab in the middle of Times Square! Right in front of where they drop the ball on New Years Eve! The night life there is nuts, I loved every minute of it!

Nan's been doing well too. She can go to the bathroom by herself now and can use the walker to get around fairly well. Unfortunately she cannot be left alone yet though, so since Brenda's back to work everyone's had to chip in to take turns staying with her. That's kind of tough on all of us but we're fairing alright so far.

I've got a boyfriend now too. His name's Kori and he's not like anyone I've ever met. He's just got one of those totally authentic characters, lovin' it! We've only been going out for a couple weeks, and only known each other about a month, but I'm crazy about him. It's like now that he's around I can't even see any one else. Things are looking very, very good. :D

The one downside I've discovered is Katrina. She's seemingly cutting me off and saying it's because Kori wouldn't want us talking even though I assured her he didn't care and I would talk to her regardless. Now, interestingly enough, Kori and Katrina used to be a "thing", as it were. Rather Kori cared for her while she either hid (with amazing skill) or never cared for him like he for her. So as I was just entering this relationships with him, shit kind of hit the fan because he found out she was playing him, I told him he could do better than her because of what I know of her history, and long story short he's pissed at her and she's seemingly indifferent/blaming me. Nice, right? It's a very stressful situation. He reassures me continuely he doesn't feel anything for her anymore but of course there's moderate worry in the back of my mind. I'm trying to be positive and give him the benefit of the doubt for now though. Keep your fingers crossed.

Michelle and I rarely associate anymore. She's been drinking and blazing it up ALL THE TIME the past two months and I couldn't take it anymore. It was getting to the point where she was passing out and letting the nearest guy feel her up and not giving a damn, but she should. It's too much of a loose lifestyle for even me to handle, and I'm generally very accepting. Sarah's been beginning to follow Michelle on this issue too so we've grown apart. I've become better friends with Krista though, so some good came of it.

In school news, I've joined the track team. Things have been going well and every week I run a little further. I'm registered in 100m, 200m, and shotput. The latter I've never tried but I think I'll be getting some lessons on it at this weeks practice.

Well I guess that's as real as things need to be made for now.. I'm having a bad day. I promise to post within the next two weeks with more news.

all my days were spent by the telephone ;

Evening. I've been too slack lately to bother updating, but tonight I decided I had better before I forget what's been happening and let things slip.

Well for one thing that weekend of the fifth didn't work out. Instead we had a party at Michelle's that Friday night with a bunch of people there. It worked out pretty well, though I was easily the most sober girl there and thusly took care of the drunkards. I cleaned up spills, picked up discarded cans, and drank lemon gin in between it all, hehe. I stayed up until five with Emily, Trisha, Amanada, and our new friend Alpine. We just talked about.. everything. You know those drunken conversations where you talk about life and your opinions, your love, your losses, and everything in between. At five I finally went to sleep, got up at eight, and went to work for ten. It was hard, but I made it through okay. It was only Allie and I working, anyway.

After that not a whole lot happened. Just chillin as usual I suppose. I did sleep with Tim who is six years my senior. I don't really regret it though. It was wild, he's easily the craziest lover I've ever had, I sure met my match in this one! We're still getting along as well as usual. Except for one little hiccup that was this past Saturday night.

Michelle and I went up there to chill with Ben and Tim. Ben was drunk as fuck and pissed at Michelle for being the spoiled princess she is (I love her, but this is an HONEST blog) and got things going pretty bad. We managed to keep it going smooth until Tim and Michelle started fighting over me, not using names, so I didn't realize at first, because Michelle is mad that he sort of fuck and chucked me with no intentions on following through. She also critized me for my loose living lately and not sticking up for myself, letting these douchers running me over, starting with Fabio. So that was something, that's for sure. I'm lonely as hell, but I'm not sad. She's more upset than even I am, I think. Anything, the bottles and chairs and glass started flying, then Tim and Ben got in the truck and wanted me to leave with them because I was my mellow self while she was being a prick (she locked herself in the car she was so mad and wouldnt let me in while she shouted insults at Tim out the window and seethed over Ben not trying to calm her or anything). However, there was no way I could let her drive home like that, she's reckless when she's calm, I didn't want to see her driving while she was mad. So I declined, yelled until she let me in the car, and we left. Shit. Show.

In job news, I'm PISSED at Joanne again. She bitched me right out for things that happened on Saturday. Except, I didn't work Saturday! When I told her, she said "regardless" and kept chatising me! Foolish. She made up some stuff too that I was pretty mad about, I'm thinking about reporting her.

Also, Nan is now home! For maybe.. two, three weeks now. It's one huge hassle though. She can't walk like at ALL so she needs to be catered to ever second of the day. Brenda took two months of work for it. She can't even go to the bathroom by herself or anything, its pitiful. It could be worse though.

Mom visited yesterday as well. That was about as good a time as it always is.. I did get to see James and his family and Bill though, so that wasn't too bad. Addyson is cute as a bug! She's saying 'mama' and 'dada' now, learning to crawl, and all about the noise and movement! At only seven months, none the less!

So that's about it for me right now. Still looking for plans after school. It's looking like I'm going over to Calgary with Marcel. Should be interesting. Maybe stupid, but who cares, it's another experience I'll have! "Grab life by the horns and hump it into submission!" Kiss kiss ;)

yes i am the best, no i aint positive, im definite ;

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering month number four of being Prozac free! Still happy as a motherfucker too! I can't believe this.. I don't know what the hell it was, but I snapped right out of the depression. I'm living life like mad lately, I've made all these crazy plans!! I decided not to do school next year, I'm going to move overseas!! Can you believe that?! I'm so totally excited I cannot even convey it online, but trust me, this is HUGE! I'm thinking it's going to be London at first, possibly Scotland. First of all though, let's go through the last few weeks so you can be up to speed, shall we?

I've been hangin' with the Musquash folk more lately, and that's been a blast! I met Lucas and we kind of hit it off but then he cooled off so we're just doin' the friend thing right now. I still talk to Dan all the time and we've pretty good buds. I became better friends with Tim too. So everything of that front it awesome! Weekend of the fifth of March we're all going up there, including Michelle (now dating Ben) and Amanda (still dating Glen), for that whole weekend over nights and what not. Going to be crazy fun!! I can't wait for it.

Secondly, I've got my prom date, Alex (surprise, right?) and we've been talking about my dress but I have yet to find one. Expect a picture when I do though.

Guess where I'm going in April. NEW YORK! I can't wait for that! Broadway show booked, Staton Island, Ground zero, all kinds of interesting things! Plus, Chinatown, which is pretty much knock off central. This is only costing me $800 not counting my meals and shopping expenses. That's gonna be a blast. Now, about my after high school plans..

So, I have one of three options:

ONE - Move to Calgary and room with Marcel (25) for practically nothing.
TWO - Stay in SJ and find a roommate (difficult for me) and get a new, full time job. Coles is pretty much love, but, it doesn't pay the bills.
THREE - On my trip overseas in August, stay over there.

The latter is my personal preference. I've been checking out costs of living and job opportunities, other expenses, schools, etc. This, my friends, is lookin' good.

On a slightly more depressing note, Nan is in the hospital at the moment.. She tripped out in the front hall two Wednesday's ago and was laying out there for an HOUR by herself! In just her bathrobe and nightie, none the less. She shattered the bone in her leg that attaches it to her hip and they didn't think she'd live through the surgery. Once again, the tough old broad surprised everyone and pulled through with FLYING COLORS! We couldn't believe how blessed we were! She's doing very well now, receiving therapy for walking and leg movement. She's a prickly patient, but she's tended to endlessly. She could even be home as early as next week! I can't wait, the house seems to empty without her. I love my Nan. :)

So, that's all dears. I wish you and yours the best, and until next time, mes chers!

the only thing that's left between us ;

Evening Blog! So, I'm sitting at Michelle's with two drunkards right now. I figured I should leave a small update with you considering I'll be quite busy the next week or so. Exam week has been BULLSHIT! Monday's exam was cancelled so schedule was pushed back. Same deal today. That means no Halifax because I have an exam Monday, which was a day I supposed to be in Halifax. So that's poop swag. Here's tonight up until Monday for you, anyway:

Friday: Gallery opening with Wayne! It was a blast, wine, finger foods, and art. Doesn't get much better! It was pretty hilarious too considering we were by far the youngest couple there. I almost spit out my wine from laughing so hard. After that we went over to Mexicala Rosa's and had some dinner about eight o'clock. Then I came over to Michelle's house with her and Amanda. They're drinking but I haven't decided if I shall tonight or not.

Saturday: Up to the camp! Really excited :)! It's undecided when'how long we're staying, but we're determined for Michelle to fight her way up there, haha, so hopefully HOPEFULLY we can go.

Sunday: One day of relaxation, major hangover, and major studying.

Monday: Biology exam (fml).

So that's that. Pretty long week, but not neccessarly bad, either. There's your update, night night :) .

it's been the time of my life ;

Good morning Blog! Last night was so much fun I had to post about it today! So here goes:

Last night around seven Michelle and I went out for a drive. We got in touch with Driscoll and Nolan and were going to pick them up but then Amanda gave us a ring. She was out at Glen's camp drinking and invited us to take a spin out there. So we drove out to Musquash! We parked at the dam and Paul, Dan, Tim, Tom, Glen, and Amanda drove out on the ATC, ATV, and snowmobiles to get us. I rode on the back with Tim, Tom and Michelle went together, Paul and Dan, and Glen and Amanda. It was about a twenty minute spin across the frozen lake to get to the camp.

The lake was beautiful. It was frozen solid and the air was crisp as January allows. Everything was dark and the shadows danced in the moon beams shining down on us. All you could hear were the coyotes, the engines running, and our shrieking laughter. Everything seemed perfect and right in those few moments when it didn't matter who was stranger to who, we were all kids having fun together in the snow. It was beautiful.

After the too-short ride to the camp, we all went in. The cabin was great, really rustic and everything. Complete with outhouse! Haha! Anyway, so we all sat down and cracked open the beer, rum, and vodka. We were all drinking except Michelle because she had to drive us home later. So anyway, we drank and talked and got to know each other a little better. Dan was really nice, I taught him how to dance while the others went out to pick us Ethan. He also let us shoot off his rifle out back! I haven't fired and gun since the C7 out on the ranges a couple years ago, so it felt good to have it back in my hand. Dan promised to take me hunting soon too so I left my number with him. So after a couple hours it was eleven and Michelle and Amanda had to be home so we grabbed up our shit and left. Glen and Amanda took the ATV, Tom and Michelle took the snowmobile, and Dan took me on the ATC, which I've never ridden before. It was really fun. It took us a little longer to get back because I was scared and made Dan drive slow, but it was pretty good all the same. We even had a race with Tim! He won, of course, being on the faster sled, hehe.

So that was that! I just had to write about it, it was so much fun! We're all making plans too for the next time Glen's free for us all to go over there again and stay the weekend! Get back at you soon, promise! XOX

i was a bitch playin' hard to get ;

Once again I've been a shitty poster. Yes, well, an awful lot has happened! Let's see.. let's start with Christmas. It was fairly boring, Brenda was sick so that kind of sucked, but I got a lot of nice sweaters to wear. New Years Eve was spent at Allies. I slept with her roommate Del, big mistake. Then I was dating the other one, Paul, also a mistake. Del fucked and chucked me, Paul was nice, we didn't sleep together mind you, but I just think of him in more of a big brother way and I didn't want to lead him on. So that was that. Alex and I are still on and discussing dating at the moment, and I'm very happy about that. I know I complain about him a lot but it's like.. half the time while I'm wanting to smack him, I'm wanting to kiss him at the same time. Weird, no?

In other news, I have gotten one out of five of my lovely tattoos. It's right on my chest, and I love it! One down, four to go!

School news: Exams are in two weeks!! I'm definitely starting to feel the crunch! I think all of them will go well though, except math, but I'm doing the best I can in that respect.

Drug news: Never again shall I get fucked with Kate. She talked me into doing syrup with her yesterday. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! I don't even remember more than pieces of the day. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. My vision went out on me and I could just barely see, she dropped me off outside of school at 330 and I stumbled around. Then I collapsed and puked absolutely everywhere, including all over my work clothes. I remember ending up in the school bathroom with Becca Griffin with me. Then I must have gotten to work some how where I woke up on the bathroom floor, blood and puke and shit all over the room. So I cleaned everything up as best as I could under the blindness, sweat, and puking, and they sent me home. I layed in bed and didn't stop throwing up until after eight! Then the girls dragged me out of bed because Jake wanted to see me. After that I went home and passed right out. I smoked some weed with Jake and popped Tums like there was no tomorrow and that helped for the time I was out. But I'm telling you- NEVER again!!!! Only weed from now on man, the rest of that stuff is shit!

So that's my lovely life at the glance for the past two months. Want to punch me out yet? I'm waaay ahead of you buddy.